Small Moments, a blog about school counseling at Armstrong Elementary School
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This is a blog for sharing small moments in the life of Armstrong's School Counselor.

Explaining Death to a Child

2/24/2015

1 Comment

 
Periodically, parents and guardians contact me to ask for suggestions on talking to their children about the death of a loved one.  Often, it is an aging family member.  Other times, it is a cherished pet.  Sometimes, the loss is unexpected.  In response, I usually make the following recommendations:

  • Be honest.  Children, like adults, appreciate being told the truth.  
  • Answer questions, but be willing to say, "I don't know."  
  • It's ok for you to be sad.  I think children find it validating to see the adults in their life express emotion when upsetting things happen.
  • Talking about death is uncomfortable and scary.  However, I often find that children take upsetting news better than we expect, and usually better than we do ourselves.  

I'm interested in hearing your experiences explaining death and loss to a child.  Have you had to do it?  What did you find worked well?  What was the hardest part?  How did you feel after the conversation?  Please consider sharing your experiences by clicking on the comment link below this post.   
1 Comment
Laura
2/27/2015 06:51:35 am

We, unfortunately, have had to explain this to our children when their grandmother passed away in 2011. She was sick with cancer so books explaining what was happening with her always helped. I often use books to initiate conversations and then let my kids lead the conversations with questions, comments, etc. making sure they know they can talk about it any time, whether it is now or later.

I also liked the story of the beetle and dragonfly similar to the one on this website: https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/belovedhearts/stories/doris-waterbugsanddragonflies-632617144169637500.aspx

We also use our religious base to discuss death and dying. The above story works though if you do not want to use any spiritual beliefs per se. Photos help to, talking about happy memories, and DOING things to honor the loved one has helped. i always find some sort of action makes people feel at least a little bit better most of the time. And, of course, allowing and sharing in the expression of all feelings helps. As difficult as that is, we all generally seem to feel better afterwards.

Thank you for this blog post. I am sure it is very helpful to many people.

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    David Starr is the School Counselor at Armstrong Elementary School in Westborough, MA.

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